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i've only just accepted the reason why i've been feeling really upset… - im lost for words... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Oct. 15th, 2006|09:07 pm]
i've only just accepted the reason why i've been feeling really upset and weird all weekend.
i...really miss his friendship.
it's just...he's changed so much, he isn't the person that i knew and loved so much anymore :/
and because of that, i don't laugh at his jokes anymore or whatever, i just don't take an interest in him.
because i just feel he doesn't care about me anymore and that if i DO take an interest, that i'll get accused of something by either his girlfriend or her mates.
i feel that he's been brainwashed against me by them.
because he HAS changed...as i said before...ALOT.
i'm also really uncomfortable around him because i now know that he knew for a period of time that i fancied him.
so its a bit like, if i just act normal, like i did when i fancied him, he might be laughing at me behind my back or thinking "oh shit whats she trying to do? she ain't got a chance with me so why is she doing that?" and i don't wanna embarrass myself...

i don't like it at all...i miss his jokes, i miss being with him, i miss not being able to be his friend properly.
we were really, really close friends, i loved him so much as a friend, i mean yeah okay, we had our moments,
but i feel we had something special there.
i remember saying a while back if i couldn't be his girlfriend, that i wanted to be his close, close, close friend.
that i would just forget about my other feelings and concentrate on having a really good friendship.
but i can't even fucking have that now. its all fucking gone.

i miss him okay? =(
i want my friend back.